single moms are my heroes

What a day! Non stop action from the minute I wake up til I lay my head down on my pillow at night. I have not had every job imaginable to be able to accurately say that parenting is the hardest job on earth but Im thinking it definetly is. Working during nursing school was extremely difficult and stressful, but pales in comparison to this rollercoaster! I love being a mom, it has always been my dream but just because its my dream doesn't make it more easy! Tonight I had to leave a birthday party because my two year old was "done" to put it shortly. I was humiliated, frustrated and discouraged. On the way out the nice worker stopped me to scan my hand and see if I matched my kids, I told her we had walked right in so I didn't have any evidence. She was very doubtful I was my kids mom and started to give me a hard time, I couldn't believe it. I prayed and held my tongue as best I could, but felt my patience slowly dwindling. I finally said, would you like to verify with my friends that I am indeed these kids mom? She said no, and I left mad. I so wanted to be able to call Steven and tell him how frustrating my day had been. How frustrating the past few have been but of course I can't. It wasn't the poor girls fault she was just doing her job, but it was the icing on the cake. This single mom stuff is HARD. When the responsibility is on you, no matter how many breaks you get its a little overwhelming. God lovingly reminded me He was right by my side and I was not alone in this thing. Beating myself up, He kept laying the word grace on my heart over and over. His grace is truly enough. I was at the point tonight where I said God I truly can't do this anymore, it is too hard. Sure I could completely disengage and just go through the motions with my kids, I could do that, but my dream for my kids is much bigger and to accomplish it means clinging to God for grace and love literally every minute of the day. This is so much more than I am capable of doing. Thank you God that YOUR GRACE IS ENOUGH. No matter how hard today was or tomorrow may be I know that He is already there and His mercies are new each day.

It is for Freedom that we've been set free

So I'm sitting here thinking about all the Independence Day greetings I've received and I'm feeling very sorry for myself. Here I am stuck at home trying to celebrate as best I can with my toddler (who by the way Ive redirected 100 times in just this hour :). Starting to feel resentful that I'm not getting to celebrate with husband who is currently serving in Iraq; I wonder why is it so easy to forget this day is a celebration of our Nation's freedom. This freedom to uphold our countries ideals and values, came at a price, and I believe does still today. Blood was shed, lives were lost, sacrifices were made. And still the same continues today. Our past and present military service members serve or served to gain and protect our freedom. As I think of all the sacrifices my husband and I, my son and my daughter have made to support him, God lovingly step into my anger. He tenderly reminds me the same is true of our entire lives, not just this day. The Lord Jesus shed blood, died and made every imaginable sacrifice so that we, ALL of us, covering the earth, every tribe, tongue, and nation, no one excluded, could not only "have life, but have it to the full (John 10:10)." We were condemned to death row, stuck in prison. When He stepped in took our impeding torture and death, upon Himself.
I am so grateful not only for my life. But for the Freedom I have as a result of the sacrifice made. I have been a follower of Christ for 6 years now, and am just now fully grasping and receiving the Freedom He intended me to have all along. Thank you Lord that you love me more than I will ever be able to comprehend or reason this side of eternity. Thank you that it is for Freedom that I have been set free! Thank you that your truth, transcends reality. I am truly humbled and grateful that I can't and don't have to earn this freedom, but that all I have to do is reach out and take that which Christ is offering me. Thank you Jesus!